Without sounding pretentious
I consider my time to be precious
Sick n tired of praying on calloused knees
and waiting for G O D to bless us
But Jeeezzz usss, Jesus
Deceives us
Heaven's got a loooooong ass line
and VIP's limited to those,
who donated the most.
If your wearing sneakers
And a hat
You can go back home
get changed and come right back
Because in heaven
dress code strictly enforced
collared shirts and dress shoes only
or get your broke ass kicked out the door
But Jeeezzz usss, Jesus
Deceives us
By the time Peter
checks my ID
I'll present the question
"Do you realize how long I've been waiting?
I think due to my eternal salvation,
I deserve an explanation"
Peter will respond with
"Jeeezzz usss, Jesus
Doesn't deceive yuh"
"We have to let the...
believers in before the non believers
Christians before the Muslims,
Pop singers before the Rappers,
Rich before the poor,
Politicians before the people,
Men before the women,
Heterosexuals before the homos,
and if your transgendered,
were still trying to figure out where to put those,
conformists before the activists
submissives before the radicals
Civilized before the savages
American's before everyone
and of course lets not forget the whites before the blacks
but now that you mention it
your not on the guest list so take your ass to the back"
I try to stand and argue
but I get cut off by peter
"look you little brown fucker
go back where you came from
and know your fucking place"
I'll slightly walk away,
try to remain passive
as I meditate
Relax and be cool
But as his voice marinates,
i'll turn around and crack
that mother fucker in his face
And while hes trying to figure out
what the fuck just happen
I'll say,
"jeezzzz usss, Jesus
deceives us"
while I put my dirty sneakers on
and turn my hat back
I'm going to hell,
because thats where
all my peoples is at!
-Just Ra
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Friday, November 27, 2009
A Needle In A Haystack
As much as I would like to separate my personal problems and feelings from blogging, I understand that occasionally it will still resonate through the confines of the fortified exterior I call my writing ethics. For those who know me or care to know me, most likely already know what I have been going through. In what feels like an instant my world is turned up side down, by a tragedy without reason. I am aware that pessimism is no way to feel better, but when God seems unreasonable in his almighty plan it becomes significantly harder to live ones life. Depressed, unmotivated, pessimistic, alone, introverted, traumatized all feelings that once may not have been within my vocabulary. However, they now seem to serve as a majority of the words that would fill the pages of this chapter of my life. Most would think a heart could on break by an ex love, but the possibilities of heart break seem more versatile than ever.
This may be the part where you lose interest, turn off the computer, read another one of your close friends blogs, smoke a cigarette and forget that you kind of cared about what I am saying. Fortunately if you are still following these words there is some light at the end of that ohhhh sooo cliche tunnel. One thing has become evident amidst my pessimism, that imaginary reader is the value of relationships. Some may question the validity of this statement especially after my virtual disappearance from certain circles of people.
Despite this, the truth is that I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about the value of my relationships with people. You could say that an epiphany hit me this week and it is strictly coincidental that it falls on the same week as thanksgiving. So instead of using the word thankful I will instead use appreciative.
Every person that has been apart of my life is significant. I feel as though every one that ever mattered was essential to making me the man I am today. People often try to hard to write people off because they hurt us or move on with our lives when we lose the people who are most dear to us. Those folks that we grow apart from or lose touch with can still be appreciated, but do not run our lives or emotions. I can honestly say that while the loss of a friend can be the catalyst for grief but, it is not what keeps it going. A persons feelings are their own responsibility and no one elses. We can blame people for hurting us, but we chose to continue to be in pain. We can look to others for that shoulder to cry on but ultimately it isn't their responsibility to make us feel better. That same shoulder could one day be a completely different person, but that does not mean we don't value relationships we had with past friends. Things like love and heartbreak are strictly relative. Relative to however, short or long an individual CHOOSES to feel.
Recently, I saw an ex-girlfriend of mine completely unexpected. There was a time when she could shatter my entire world with the words she said, but now her importance to me goes only as far as what she USED to mean to me. Seeing a past love makes me appreciate my current love that much more and motivates me to see this one through to its potential.
If we dwell too much on what once was, we devalue our relationships in the present.
It is especially important to me to keep people around me that WANT and APPRECIATE my presence too. People grow apart and that's life, we build new relationships with other people and never take away from the old ones. Our feelings are our own and don't always need to be dictated by others. Losing someone dear to me hurts, but I do value the impact he had on me as well as whatever impact I may have had on him. I know I am grieving,b ut if I feel depressed, unmotivated, pessimistic, alone, introverted, traumatized its because I need to feel that way right now. I can either remind myself that these words were never apart of my vocabulary, but these feelings and emotions are just a work in progress. Writing this one chapter is going to be especially difficult, but hopefully the end of the book is worth all the trouble...
For now I'm taking a break from elevating masses and progressive mobbin and letting myself be Just Ray No One Special.
This may be the part where you lose interest, turn off the computer, read another one of your close friends blogs, smoke a cigarette and forget that you kind of cared about what I am saying. Fortunately if you are still following these words there is some light at the end of that ohhhh sooo cliche tunnel. One thing has become evident amidst my pessimism, that imaginary reader is the value of relationships. Some may question the validity of this statement especially after my virtual disappearance from certain circles of people.
Despite this, the truth is that I have spent a significant amount of time thinking about the value of my relationships with people. You could say that an epiphany hit me this week and it is strictly coincidental that it falls on the same week as thanksgiving. So instead of using the word thankful I will instead use appreciative.
Every person that has been apart of my life is significant. I feel as though every one that ever mattered was essential to making me the man I am today. People often try to hard to write people off because they hurt us or move on with our lives when we lose the people who are most dear to us. Those folks that we grow apart from or lose touch with can still be appreciated, but do not run our lives or emotions. I can honestly say that while the loss of a friend can be the catalyst for grief but, it is not what keeps it going. A persons feelings are their own responsibility and no one elses. We can blame people for hurting us, but we chose to continue to be in pain. We can look to others for that shoulder to cry on but ultimately it isn't their responsibility to make us feel better. That same shoulder could one day be a completely different person, but that does not mean we don't value relationships we had with past friends. Things like love and heartbreak are strictly relative. Relative to however, short or long an individual CHOOSES to feel.
Recently, I saw an ex-girlfriend of mine completely unexpected. There was a time when she could shatter my entire world with the words she said, but now her importance to me goes only as far as what she USED to mean to me. Seeing a past love makes me appreciate my current love that much more and motivates me to see this one through to its potential.
If we dwell too much on what once was, we devalue our relationships in the present.
It is especially important to me to keep people around me that WANT and APPRECIATE my presence too. People grow apart and that's life, we build new relationships with other people and never take away from the old ones. Our feelings are our own and don't always need to be dictated by others. Losing someone dear to me hurts, but I do value the impact he had on me as well as whatever impact I may have had on him. I know I am grieving,b ut if I feel depressed, unmotivated, pessimistic, alone, introverted, traumatized its because I need to feel that way right now. I can either remind myself that these words were never apart of my vocabulary, but these feelings and emotions are just a work in progress. Writing this one chapter is going to be especially difficult, but hopefully the end of the book is worth all the trouble...
For now I'm taking a break from elevating masses and progressive mobbin and letting myself be Just Ray No One Special.
Monday, September 14, 2009
Positive Peoples
I'll keep it short this early monday morning. Late nights like these arise thoughts that rarely come up during normal human hours. I enjoy the people that I choose to surround myself with. I pride myself in pushing away those that tend to become too drama filled. I lack the patience or mental stability to deal with individuals who tend to bring down my mood on a day to day basis. Why waste my time?
I also feel as though with technology creating a level of convenience of communication, there are hardly any excuses to lose touch with folks, besides just wanting too. For instance my phone died about 3-4 weeks ago. Instead of going out of my way to update my contancts I simply waited for people to call me. The logic is that if they were true friends they would get a hold of me eventually. Although it is hard to keep in contact with friends these days, i'll always consider them close to me if they had some sort of positive impact on my life.
Insight.
Love.
Laughter.
Strength.
Is all I ask of the people closest to me.
-Just Ray No One Special
I also feel as though with technology creating a level of convenience of communication, there are hardly any excuses to lose touch with folks, besides just wanting too. For instance my phone died about 3-4 weeks ago. Instead of going out of my way to update my contancts I simply waited for people to call me. The logic is that if they were true friends they would get a hold of me eventually. Although it is hard to keep in contact with friends these days, i'll always consider them close to me if they had some sort of positive impact on my life.
Insight.
Love.
Laughter.
Strength.
Is all I ask of the people closest to me.
-Just Ray No One Special
Thursday, September 3, 2009
College Student Rant
Most people pursue college with the idea in mind that a college degree "should" catapult you into the next step in life. The step where the American Dream hands you a certificate, shakes your hand and lets you loose to achieve means that would otherwise be impossible without that good ol educmacation. Instead they might as well hand you a piece of paper that says thank you for all the money, but your FUCKED! and trip you on your way down the podium.
If an individual is starving do you...
a) give said person a bite to eat, without teaching them how to obtain their own food
b) make said person work for the food and let them eat relevant to the work put in
c) charge them fairly but as time passed make them pay you more and more while simultaneously feeding them less and less.
The answer is C, that is, if you are an institution that is supposed to be dedicated to higher education.
I simply don't understand how cutting education truly helps the economy in the long run. Crappy education equals crappy future leaders of America. Quite honestly school seems to be more and more like an institution built to benefit a select few instead the general student population. Fees continue to rise due to "budget cuts" but oddly enough they still try and push to build more new and useless things at school.
Insert Parking Structure In Inconvenient location here....
Why do crooked lawyers that work to help keep criminals out of jail get paid more than teachers? Do athletes really deserve millions of dollars in endorsements, when the probability of anyone achieving the same is slim to none?
With the recent implementation of teacher furlough day's it is easy to feel as though these are simply free days for students and teachers. WRONG! YOU ARE LITERALLY PAYING MORE FOR LESS. Professor's are not allowed to (for 10% of their usual teaching days per course) respond to emails, do research, grade papers etc. on their furlough days.
Would you put your life in the hands of a doctor who had 10% less of the experience/education to save your life? I hope the answer is HELL NO or else you might as well jump on a knife right now and put yourself out of misery.
In our new society the following companies/businesses/products will be renamed to better fit American Ideals.
Best Buy = Worst Buy
PayLess = Less Money
Walmart = Fuck Your Life
LucasFilms = CG>Acting
I-Phone = Icost2much
Disney = YOURSOULISMINE
Their is a list of things wrong with our education system let alone our nation that I could only attempt to touch base on. Quite honestly I have no credibility in talking about any of this. However if you are in college and you feel the same about the budget cuts as I do visit this site and fill out this form. http://www2.csusm.edu/cfa/Furlough/complaint_form.htm
Keep your head up fellow college students, but for the meantime as graduation draws closer and closer I realize that...
If an individual is starving do you...
a) give said person a bite to eat, without teaching them how to obtain their own food
b) make said person work for the food and let them eat relevant to the work put in
c) charge them fairly but as time passed make them pay you more and more while simultaneously feeding them less and less.
The answer is C, that is, if you are an institution that is supposed to be dedicated to higher education.
I simply don't understand how cutting education truly helps the economy in the long run. Crappy education equals crappy future leaders of America. Quite honestly school seems to be more and more like an institution built to benefit a select few instead the general student population. Fees continue to rise due to "budget cuts" but oddly enough they still try and push to build more new and useless things at school.
Insert Parking Structure In Inconvenient location here....
Why do crooked lawyers that work to help keep criminals out of jail get paid more than teachers? Do athletes really deserve millions of dollars in endorsements, when the probability of anyone achieving the same is slim to none?
With the recent implementation of teacher furlough day's it is easy to feel as though these are simply free days for students and teachers. WRONG! YOU ARE LITERALLY PAYING MORE FOR LESS. Professor's are not allowed to (for 10% of their usual teaching days per course) respond to emails, do research, grade papers etc. on their furlough days.
Would you put your life in the hands of a doctor who had 10% less of the experience/education to save your life? I hope the answer is HELL NO or else you might as well jump on a knife right now and put yourself out of misery.
In our new society the following companies/businesses/products will be renamed to better fit American Ideals.
Best Buy = Worst Buy
PayLess = Less Money
Walmart = Fuck Your Life
LucasFilms = CG>Acting
I-Phone = Icost2much
Disney = YOURSOULISMINE
Their is a list of things wrong with our education system let alone our nation that I could only attempt to touch base on. Quite honestly I have no credibility in talking about any of this. However if you are in college and you feel the same about the budget cuts as I do visit this site and fill out this form. http://www2.csusm.edu/cfa/Furlough/complaint_form.htm
Keep your head up fellow college students, but for the meantime as graduation draws closer and closer I realize that...
Saturday, August 15, 2009
I gots problems
Disclaimer: Just came back from drinkin for kengs goin away thang.
Truth is everyone has their vices and negative qualities. I have a healthy share of them myself.
List of Just Ray's Negative Qualities
1. A tendency to nit pick at other people.
2. Defensive.
3. Cravin the Nicotine.
4. Perfectionist.
5. Self Doubt.
6. Asshole.
7. Judgemental
8. Procrastinator.
9. Possible alcohol abuser.
10. bi bolar.
11. Out of shape.
12. Lazy
13. etc.
But one step at a time I try and make changes to these things and hopefully that list gets smaller and smaller. And if it doesn't I hope that people like me for the person that I am, rather than the person they want me to be.
-just ray
Progressive Mobbin
Truth is everyone has their vices and negative qualities. I have a healthy share of them myself.
List of Just Ray's Negative Qualities
1. A tendency to nit pick at other people.
2. Defensive.
3. Cravin the Nicotine.
4. Perfectionist.
5. Self Doubt.
6. Asshole.
7. Judgemental
8. Procrastinator.
9. Possible alcohol abuser.
10. bi bolar.
11. Out of shape.
12. Lazy
13. etc.
But one step at a time I try and make changes to these things and hopefully that list gets smaller and smaller. And if it doesn't I hope that people like me for the person that I am, rather than the person they want me to be.
-just ray
Progressive Mobbin
Friday, July 17, 2009
The Privilege of Blindness
My Beef
To most folks the idea of privilege is more foreign than high school language requirements. My beef is with folks that do NOT recognize their race. As well as what privileges or disadvantages it may bestow upon you at birth. Growing up in a neighborhood that is predominantly one sided in class/race/sexual orientation tends to create a blind fold effect for a lot of youth. The fantasy world we live in plays on the idea that their is no racism or discrimination in the constructs of our communities. However, this couldn't be any further from the truth. Most folks my age and in the northern areas of San Diego choose to not be aware of the realities of the world. Naivety at its best.
In essence the progress we've made is good, but creates dialectic that spreads faster than aids. Another form of discrimination peeks its wretched little head out from beneath the sewers of ignorance. The belly of the beast growls in anticipation waiting to feast on the flesh of careless twenty something year olds. The overall privilege of blindness attributes to the lack of concern for social or political issues. Regardless of the weight that it may pound on our backs in the future, we continue to cover our eyes in the face of anythign remotely important/serious. We the future leaders of America.
Call It What You Like
Call it a...
"lack of interest."
"Selfishness."
"unawareness."
"reliance on mommy and daddy to tell me how to FEEL."
... your welcome to call it whatever you like.
I just call it stupid.
I remember watching some daytime talk show when I was younger. The one that sent badass kids to boot camp. You know the one. Yea. That one. Well the reason I'm bringing it up is because the drill instructor said one thing that has stuck through my mind that defines the difference between stupidity and ignorance to well. Something a long the lines of when you dont know no better thats ignorant, when you know your doin something wrong and still do it thats just plain STUPID.
So I ask why? Why do so many folks my age CHOOSE to stay unaware about anything that doesn't pertain to celebrity gossip or crappy reality T.V. shows. Where? Where do we go from here? What? Whats next? Issues on race still are evident regardless if you wear you huge Obama shirt proudly. Gay marriage isn't gonna pass by wearing your American Apparel "Gay Marriage: Legalize it t-shirt."
Educate Yourself
First and foremost educate yourself. The tendency is to stay locked up in our ivory towers, watching I Love Money while reading Perez Hilton's blog. It's only a matter of time till someone knocks the floor out from underneath your ass. For example, one day someone will make a racism/sexist comment in your presense. Or dare I say it..direct that comment towards you. What the fuck are you gonna say or do? About most of the time it ain't worth your time and maybe you should just walk away, but at some point you gotta be prepared and say something to shush there bigot ass mouth. RECOGNIZE that your white male or female hetero-normative friends aren't gonna bail you outta this one. Instead of blacking out from the multiple drugs and alcohol you consume within a night of dancing to the latest Lil Wayne chart topper, take some time out of your day to prepare yourself for the day life super man punches you in the head.
Open Your Damn Eyes
In the mean time we might be able to keep our eyes shut and have a choice as to what we see, but at some point your eyes will be forced to open. Check your privilege at the door hang up your coat and take off your hat. Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink or two. The moment life throws you a curve ball you better knock that shit out the park or you might as well take it right between the eyes and forget who you are. Hopefully you as a person are defined by more than the amount of shots of beer pong you can make within your lifetime.
To most folks the idea of privilege is more foreign than high school language requirements. My beef is with folks that do NOT recognize their race. As well as what privileges or disadvantages it may bestow upon you at birth. Growing up in a neighborhood that is predominantly one sided in class/race/sexual orientation tends to create a blind fold effect for a lot of youth. The fantasy world we live in plays on the idea that their is no racism or discrimination in the constructs of our communities. However, this couldn't be any further from the truth. Most folks my age and in the northern areas of San Diego choose to not be aware of the realities of the world. Naivety at its best.
In essence the progress we've made is good, but creates dialectic that spreads faster than aids. Another form of discrimination peeks its wretched little head out from beneath the sewers of ignorance. The belly of the beast growls in anticipation waiting to feast on the flesh of careless twenty something year olds. The overall privilege of blindness attributes to the lack of concern for social or political issues. Regardless of the weight that it may pound on our backs in the future, we continue to cover our eyes in the face of anythign remotely important/serious. We the future leaders of America.
Call It What You Like
Call it a...
"lack of interest."
"Selfishness."
"unawareness."
"reliance on mommy and daddy to tell me how to FEEL."
... your welcome to call it whatever you like.
I just call it stupid.
I remember watching some daytime talk show when I was younger. The one that sent badass kids to boot camp. You know the one. Yea. That one. Well the reason I'm bringing it up is because the drill instructor said one thing that has stuck through my mind that defines the difference between stupidity and ignorance to well. Something a long the lines of when you dont know no better thats ignorant, when you know your doin something wrong and still do it thats just plain STUPID.
So I ask why? Why do so many folks my age CHOOSE to stay unaware about anything that doesn't pertain to celebrity gossip or crappy reality T.V. shows. Where? Where do we go from here? What? Whats next? Issues on race still are evident regardless if you wear you huge Obama shirt proudly. Gay marriage isn't gonna pass by wearing your American Apparel "Gay Marriage: Legalize it t-shirt."
Educate Yourself
First and foremost educate yourself. The tendency is to stay locked up in our ivory towers, watching I Love Money while reading Perez Hilton's blog. It's only a matter of time till someone knocks the floor out from underneath your ass. For example, one day someone will make a racism/sexist comment in your presense. Or dare I say it..direct that comment towards you. What the fuck are you gonna say or do? About most of the time it ain't worth your time and maybe you should just walk away, but at some point you gotta be prepared and say something to shush there bigot ass mouth. RECOGNIZE that your white male or female hetero-normative friends aren't gonna bail you outta this one. Instead of blacking out from the multiple drugs and alcohol you consume within a night of dancing to the latest Lil Wayne chart topper, take some time out of your day to prepare yourself for the day life super man punches you in the head.
Open Your Damn Eyes
In the mean time we might be able to keep our eyes shut and have a choice as to what we see, but at some point your eyes will be forced to open. Check your privilege at the door hang up your coat and take off your hat. Make yourself comfortable. Have a drink or two. The moment life throws you a curve ball you better knock that shit out the park or you might as well take it right between the eyes and forget who you are. Hopefully you as a person are defined by more than the amount of shots of beer pong you can make within your lifetime.
Thursday, July 16, 2009
That Love Game
I just wanna start off by saying this post is inspired by Kristine aka cap's old post What We Talk About When We Talk About Love. I havent read Raymond Carvers short story, but I just wanted to speak on this Love Game shit.
I myself have come up with multiple theories about dating, realtionships, sex, woman and if you know me relatively well you've prolly heard a few yourself. Not to mention my tendency to throw curve balls at folks aka my ridiculous analogies, that otherwise might be irrelevant to the conversation topic.
Not to toot my own horn, but quite honestly my rants are legendary. Especially the ones about the above mentioned topics. However, I hardly speak on my theories of love. This might just be due to the fact that love is complicated and is generally a word that gets passed around more than the "go to" girl/guy in high school. (Don't front like you don't know what i'm talking about, and if you don't maybe it was you.) But enough fuckn around. Down to the subject at hand...
The Game Of Love
"No you hang up. No you. YOU! No you hang up! Ok ok we'll hang up on 3. ONE...TWO...THREE!"
Everyone starts out with that simpn nonsense. Lets be honest shit is mad corny, but to two brand new lovers without a care in the world, being corny and cup caking is The least of their worries. If that loves fo real the truth is you could give a fuck what everyone else thinks. There really is nothing wrong with being down for your girl/guy to the point where you make others uncomfortable and no one wants to be around the two of you. So keep on brother/sister! Talk to your man/woman however the hell you want and be cornier to each other than your mom and dad's jokes.
"What are YOU wearing?"
The freak nasty is a big part of That Love Game. I'm sorry to all the celibacy folks out there in no way am I dissing on your lifestyle. But YALL ARE MISSING OUT. That love game is all about getting to know each other and I put high importance on getting to know each other both mentally and especially physically. Getting it on doesn't always have to feel like your "making love" only fools think sex is always love making. Truth is sometimes its just about knowing your partner and understanding what he/she is into. Not to mention it lets you know what YOU like as well.
"I love you more than I've ever loved anyone, and I wanna be with you forever"
Whoa whoa slow down there Casanova. Be real with each other the only reason why this might be the greatest love of your life is because you haven't met someone yet that you can love more. Quit stressing about finding your soul mate or figuring out if he/she is the one. Enjoy your shit while it lasts, because one day you might lose that feeling and it wont have anything to do with him/her it just means yall aren't good for each other anymore. That doesn't mean it was a waste of time. Forever is a long time and when your old and wrinkly looking at the same face you been looking at for the past 50 years you better be damn sure it wasn't a waste of time.
"You don't have any goals. You don't have a job. Why the fuck am I even with you."
This comes up more than enough times in any long term relationship. First off if you got with someone when they didn't have a job or goals, why question why their like that later. Truth is we all get what we sign up for. If I get with someone that is a crack head and let myself fall in love with them am I gonna be like "OMG, stop being a crack head!" No. I won't. Because I wouldn't put myself in that situation in the first place. We are all victims of it, but in the end you can't blame that person for who he/she is. The counter argument would be that you didn't know when you got with them they were like that. Well that's still your bad for not doing more research on your potential love. And if they were in a better state of mind earlier on in the relationship, than their still is hope because you know they are capable of all the things they once had. Nothing shows more love that being down for your man/woman when they've hit a fork in the road.
"Please take me back...I'm nothing without you. I FUCKN LOVE YOU!"
Grovelling is the worst thing you can do. If they don't want you anymore than MOVE ON. Begging for forgiveness usually won't go your way. And if it does do you really wanna be with someone who would take you back after you just fucked them over. Even if it isn't a case of YOU fuckn up to constantly come back to the person that is unhealthy for you reflects the type of person you are when viewed by other people. You can search for the perfect/girl or guy but what makes you think he/she wants your broken ass. Put your chin up, strive to be a better person and you'll meet someone that is better for YOU.
In the end I could just be preaching to the choir, but That Love Game will fly your ass around in a private jet and the next thing you know your on your ass "...trying to figure out WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED!" - Jamie Foxx
All the simpn, jealousy, sex, and the questioning is just trivial and convoluted. Their aint just one type of love, but a whole list of them just hope that your's is the good type. Before you can be with somebody seriously you have to be truly strong as an individual otherwise they'll just run all over you. When it comes down to it I like to think that anyone can fall in love with anybody. It really is the quality of that love that matters in the end.
Sunday, June 7, 2009
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